Split-Second

A second is all it takes for shit to crumble on your feet, a rigid base you thought, well when it quakes it breaks. We all know the pain, less brutal than a beating. It eats you up from inside and because you wouldn't want to bother anyone with your troubles, a smile a day keeps the questions away. I have been there, we have all been there. We sometimes misread situations and end up hurting people we love by the things we say.

In the height of depression in the country, I dedicate this piece to the 8 year old boy from Lurambi, Kakamega who recently committed suicide. I lack words to describe how sad this feels. What atrocities was the child going through that led him to this? To think that depression can engulf a child that they see no other option than death, gives me chills. I have tried to think of the most gruesome of conditions an 8 year old could be going through but none complements suicide. Maybe he was playing with a rope in the bathroom and it became too tight! Just maybe. Because at 8 years of age all I thought of was play, eat, sleep and repeat. The future never mattered. I never felt the sense of accountability, all I did was a day at a time. I feel so sorry for the mother, she sure had plans for her son and now he's no more. Death is cruel. 

Suicide is a taboo in most cultures in Kenya. From my region, when a person commits suicide, the house he hanged himself in is burnt or if it was a tree it is uprooted. The rigor mortis is also caned. I fail to see the logic. Being a taboo, it is something no one ever gets to address but times have changed and so should we. 

Are people who end it selfish? Or are we who surround them minding our own business the selfish ones? It's debatable. The worrying trend of varsity students committing suicide last year prompted the ministry of education to try and find solutions. The root of most cases was relationships, girl leaves boy, boy commits suicide or vice versa. Well I couldn't agree more, that a lost relationship leaves twisting daggers in your heart. The sweet moments you shared now memories that give you sleepless nights. It is a common thing. The best solution is finding a hack to keep you from sinking deep into depression. Find somewhere to channel all that pain. Talking about it with someone you trust is the first step. Then a physical activity like going to the gym or jogging, would drain all that misguided energy you have. 

It is good to keep an open mind. A plan B.  A voice on the down low; a question that lingers at the very back of your mind asking - What if a deal goes sour?  What if I loose that bet? What if he/ she leaves me for another?  What if I loose everything? This I believe, gives you options, so that when the worst of scenarios happen you are mentally prepared to deal with it. 

Beautiful girls, all over the world,  I could be waiting but my time would be wasted, they got nothing on you baby. . . beautiful words from the great Bruno Mars. The song just popped in my head and now I am trying to figure out how to put it into this context. Guess what!  I won't,  why should I,  this is not an exam. It is my space. I can do whatever I want. Ha-ha

Moving on. 

At moments when I have a heavy heart, I like to take walks. Feel the breeze and observe in detail. Life is full of wonders,  it lightens my heart. There are so many engrossing things we do in norm. Something as simple meeting new people or just walking past them. Isn't it fascinating to think that they have a life of thier own; a chain of people looking up to them, haters, annoying siblings who always use your body spray when you tell them not to, even when you thought you hid it so well or maybe they simply have a craving for chicken, slow cooked with charcoal then fried with not so many spices just onions, several tomatoes and a sprinkle of salt, to leave it with that rich natural flavor that a Luyha would die for. God is just amazing. The sophistication of life is unmatched.  

We should all be our brothers/ sisters keeper. Learn to listen, not only through words but also actions. Don't be that person who when confessed to, instead of sympathizing, compares the situation with worse ones other people are going through. Tell someone, it's going to be okay. Be sorry to them and tell them that time heals and no one deserves to be going through a similar situation. 

Cars are halted as the lights turn red. Its dark, chill and with a breeze. Not many feet pacing at these hours. On the walkay a homeless woman cocoons herself on a rag to rid her of the cold. It makes me sad. I walk past a group of street kids squatted in a circle enjoying what seems to be a meal they haven't had for days. One lifts his head up, we make eye contact, he nods with a smile and I acknowledge the nod before speeding past them. I mantain the quick pace to the house. It's another day down, a good day to say the least. Tommorow is another. I don't know what the future holds but I am holding the grinder to shape and smoothen the edges. I hope to later paint then sit back, take a deep breathe and smile.